Bingo Lingo





heard at the


In the Lancashire town of Burnley


Ladies & gentlemen eyes down,
Bag o’ sweets for your line,
Two pound your full house;

Snakes alive, all the fives, fifty-five,
Christmas cake, three & eight, thirty-eighty,
& it’s half-way there, four & five, forty-five,
Danny la rue, fifty two
Doctors orders, on its own, the number nine,
Seven & six,
     “Was she worth it?”
               “Every penny!”

Fanny’s started fidgeting as usual
Gerry takes a sip of Cuban Rum

Kelly’s Eye, on its own, the number one,
& its three & O, Dirty Gertie, blind thirty,
Tickle me, six & three, sixty-three,
& its thee & me, two & three, twenty-three,
Five & nine, the Brighton Line, fifty-nine,
Its Diana Doors in droopy drawers,
All the fours, fort-….

Shouts Mary Pie,
Much to Cliff’s consternation,
He only needed one for the line.

Al, the old drunk, goes to check the ticket;
55, 76, 1, 63, 59, 44
Then hands her the boiled sweets.

“I’ll give them to Dolly,” says Mary Pie,
‘They’re no good for mi teeth…’



Suddenly it gets serious,
Destiny comes calling
Eyes Down for your full house…

On its own, its lucky seven
Unlucky for some, thirteen
Heinz Varieties, five & seven, fifty-seven
Ooo! its those legs, eleven…The room echoes to shrill cat whistles

& its all the fives, fifty-five
“I’ve had three of them” sez Gerry,
Shuddup you,” says Gerry’s third wife, Nora

Sherwood Forest, all the trees, thirty-three
A fumph & a duck, five & two, fifty two,
All the sixes, clickety-click, sixty-six,
& someone didn’t flush the toilet,
Its a dirty loo, thirty-two…

‘Five-O, Five-O, its off to work we go,
With a shovel & pick & a walking stick, Five-O,Five-O!’

Purple-haired Slyvia gets exited & carries on the song,
“Five-O, Five-O, its off to work we go,
With a bucket & spade & a hand grenade,
Five-O, Five-O,”
Blind fifty!

Its two little ducks, twenty-two,
Its the sunset strip, all the sevens, seventy-seven,
& a duck & a crutch, two & seven, twenty-seven,
Almost there, eight & nine, eighty-nine,
Ooo! its top of the shop, blind ninety!

The tensions maxing out now
Like when Kruschev sailed for Cuba…



The room is about to explode,
Cliff only needs one for the full house
But Mary Pie (the old buggar),
is right on his tail…

& its queen bee, seventy-three
Anyway up, six & nine, sixty-nine
& its those steps! three & nine, thirty-nine
Man alive, the number five
& its two fat ladies, all the eights, eighty-eight,
You’ve been & gone at eighty one,
The key of the door, two & one, twenty-one
& its Ghandis breakfast, blind eighty!

“EE-ya!” shouts Dolly, knockin’ over her drink
Much to Cliff’s annoyance

Al goes to check the ticket;

7, 57, 33, 66, 77, 90, 88, 21, 80

& gives her the two pound!

“I’ll share it with Mary Pie,” she says with a smile.

Ladies & gentlemen eyes down,
Bag o’ sweets for your line,
Two pound your full house…

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